Empire of Destiny

Melody of Frozen Tears...

2007-08-13T22:40:00.000-07:00

Today I went to see Bu Neng Shuo De Mi Mi. Upon watching the show... so many memories flashed back. Reminds miie of the times i played the piano for her. Its been since quite soem time i last touched the holy piano. 既然没人肯听，弹得多好有何用？ I have lost all my skills lerr.. I dare not dirty the sacred piano wiif my hands.

I lack the courage. Every day i ponder, when will i ever get to play the piano for my friends and esp... the one i truly love.

The day, when the sacred melody is revived, marks the day my frozen tears revive in eternal love.

Wish that the one will appear soon. For now... i feel cold.. a frozen heart can feel nothing.
Perhaps i am destined to walk this path alone... miserably. T.T

Heartbroken... T.T

2007-04-27T07:23:00.000-07:00

Haix... Im so useless. I like her so much yet, before we became close friends, we are friends no more lerr... she hates mii to the core. She just hates mii. Haix..

Her son likes her a lot and hangs out with her all the time even the whole school is saying they now together lerr.. T.T Haix.. perhaps she realii likes him a lot ba.. perhaps im nothing compared to him ba. or perhaps, they are destine to be together. T.T

I feel that, my whole life is being toyed by gals. Perhaps my feelings is destined to be toyed by gals. Haix, it just reminds mii of how i got ditched by my ex gf.. T.T

I dunnoe why but.. all the gals i like, they will never like mii. most of the time, the gal will hate mii. Perhaps is because of my Fu*kin* attitude ba..

it never pays to be good to gals... i still rmb tat time i helped zi hui so much... she actually got her bf on the line to scold mii and threaten mii... T.T she also claims tat she hates mii a lot because i help her too much..

im realii depressed... heartbrokened.. Im now so afraid of gals.. im realii afraid of gals. my feeligns are destined to be toyed by gals... im destined to be hated or ditched.

OMG!!~ Viral infection!

2007-04-01T18:50:00.000-07:00

Fever... fever... and high fever... T.T
Haix.. for the whole weekend, iie can onlii lie on the bed. Im having high fever for the 4th consecutive days lerr.. doc says if by tml still got fever then must go draw blood check lerr. Arrr! at if its dengue? T.T I dunn wanna die sho early!!!
Haix.. can hardly breath well. Some more got flu, cough, giddiness and blah blah blah... >> am iie gonna die soon? sobs...
haix... sho sian at home... msn online whole day no one chat wiif miie... Hp switch on onlii TongEn kind enough to talk crap wiif miie... ii got sho scarry mehh?
... can't type any more lerr. type some more ii will faint..

A Fallen Knight. The Fallen Star.

2007-02-20T06:50:00.000-08:00

Happy Chinese New Year!
Feel so down. I am realli at my wits end lerr.
I have been trying to avoid hAi InN friends. I have no courage to face them for i am nothing now and i look ugly with hair shaved.. I need friends and i need them but.. I dare not see them.

I love some one.. if only i have more time to be by her side.. haix.. every day i cry.. thinkin of her and another guy.. its been some time since she last picked up my call or replied my sms. perhaps she already likes some one lerr.. or perhaps she will neevr like miie. Im useless... all i can do ish cry..

There was once Hui Deng told miie this "to miie.. you are some one who got no goals". Its not tat i have no goals. Every thing was according to my plan.. wish to complete my poly/ jc education while studying the Art of War hard. When in NS, get into Officer Cadet School. After 2 years, study U and then work to gain exp then start my own business. I wish to become rich so tat i can share these wealth and fame with every one around miie... i wish give my friends and esp her happiness, to do loads of charity, give free tuition, teach pple moral values, make Hai Inn YouthWing and Ed Board sucessful and lots more..
but now... now.. i am left with nth.. im just a trash. is it realli a mistake to fall in love with xingyi? isn't love suppose to be sweet? why has it left miie with nth?
I now go in army with O lvl cert.. im a grade c soldier.. i can neevr be an officer.. i am destined to be a clerk. Haix..

Haix.. i now dunn even have the courage to face eevry one.. im just nth.
heard tat zihui next yr wun be in hai in any more lerr.. nt jst her ba.. i believe many other more.. I ... I know i am able to convince them derr.. i know i can. All i need is courage..

wats the feelin of being loved? I seriously dunn know.. iie feel so lonely.. im so afraid tat my friends will lveave miie.. i need frendz... i need courage.. one day.. just one day.. iie will become sucessful.. .. iie wish to be with her.. give her happiness.. protect her and lurve her..

poor little sotong ish lost.

2006-05-15T00:24:00.000-07:00

Why can't you love me? Why can't I hug you? Why can't I kiss you? Why can't I treat you as my darling? I love you. I just love you. i only wanna love you. I wanna give you love, warmth and care. I wanna be there for you when you are down or need help.

I wanan be your liu qin when you are down, let you vent your anger on de. I wanna be there to let you slap... kick... wack.. nie.. poke..bite till bleed then hug you tight tight when you need it... i dun mind getting injured or over losing blood by over injuring me.... even if i die... i know its worthed it. For i love de... is you.

I just wanna let u know... i would gladly lay down my sotong life for you... I would now cut my there for you... i would become a tai jian and let ppel laugh at this poor little sotong jux for you... I would now go let mrt bang and crush this poor little sotong and die if that will make you happy.... I wun wanna see you cry... feel sad... stressed up... angry.. but no one there to listen to you. Please accept me as your darling. Please stop ignoring me.. please stop avoiding me... please love me...

please stop bullying this ke lian de sotong... please love lord.... lord ish cryin... depressed... need pple to tok to but... i am told cannot tell any one... sho keep every thing inside...

lord ish cryin again... lord ish lost... bluuurr like sotong like what pig always say... lord needs pig... lords needs pig to be with him...

lord cries again.... lord wishes pig to love him... lord cannot dun have pig... pig ish every thing to lord... lord wants to be loved by pig... sotong wants to love pig...

sotong see pig smile smile he happy... sotong lyks to poke and buwee pigpig. sotong wants to see pigpig happy. sotong wish to hug pigpig for a swim but pigpig hates swiming. pigpig damm zhuai.. but sotong lyks it. sotong now yawn and yawn.. pigpig dissappear le... "where pigpig go?" sotong find and find... "pigpig no more le?"... sotong cry and cry... "will pigpig come back again?"... "pigpig... i miss you... pigpig... i... actually ..... I... love you".

*IF this ish DA AI... THEN lord RATHER DUN LOVE ANY ONE... because lord never really care for pple and lord dun wan pple to suffer or cry because of him .

*IF this ish XING PU SHA DAO... THEN lord RATHER DUN LEARN TO BE A PU SHA SINCE.... PPLE WHO NEED HELP WUN GET lord de HELP. PPLE WUN BE HAPPY when lord ish there.

*IF this ish "FUO FA" THEN lord RATHER DUN LEARN BUDDHISM... lord RATHER CONVERT TO CHRISTIANITY... AT LEAST THERE... COUPLES FORM... COUPLES GET TO HELP PPLE IN NEED... THEY HAPPY... PPLE AROUND THEM HAPPY AND THEY ALL GO HEAVEN...

2006-03-08T06:45:00.000-08:00

What has she contributed? What did she do for the info grp? That time, though our job was done… the design grp was under severe stress… conflicts arised… we didn’t give up. We endured all the humiliations yet… all she did was… “oh! Be like me! All dun care! Just do what that is only within our job scope! Aiyar… just dun care lar!”
All along its either me or Yi Yi doing the work! When did she help at least one time? We try and make things easy for them and that pervert was only smiling… that jerky smile…
She always says that she wanna be a Budddha… she talks a lot about Buddhism and seems to know a lot… sho what? You know a lot then can go around say pple lousier arh? Who the F*** she is? Any way… sho wat if she knows a lot? Can say… BUT CAN APPLY MA? Say pple this not good.. people that not good… then herself lei? PERFECT ARH?! WOAH! SHE BUDDHA ARH!!!!
Also… that pervert HU LI has got many faces… in front of us.. she acts like a innocent study nerd… in front of her school mates… another face… at home another face! Know what? The other time I merely blurted her behaviour in front of her friends… guess what? Her friend scolded me like mad! WTF? I was only saying the Wan Siew I saw in Hai Inn! I was scolded for ½ an hour! Then later she said “Dun any how say my things hoh! I dun wanna quarrel with you!”.
Yi Yi and I told ourselves.. we have had enough of this pervert… We asked her to draw time to do project… “WO YOU YI ZHONG GAN JUE WO HUI MEI KONG!” WTF?! That’s it… we really had enough….
--- by JM aka LoRd

Hmmm....stupid idiotå¤§éª—å

2006-03-08T06:41:00.000-08:00

Today,erm...lesson was alright...but I get to noe that I fail my maths badly...haiz...
today band was fun....at the earlier part but not...in fact is scary when they r having OC rehersal...

then...I was having good mood...then nearly 9pm...
I get jiaming to call wansiew...
becoz at first we thought of friday going to jiaming`s house to do some editorial info since WANSIEW haven even done a little thing for Editorial Info...
then...she told him
â€œæˆ‘æœ‰é¢„æ„Ÿæˆ‘æ˜ŸæœŸäº”ä¼šæ²¡æœ‰ç©ºï¼â€â€œå¦‚æžœæœ‰ç©ºï¼Œä¼šæ‰“ç”µè¯ç»™å¹¸æ€¡å§ï¼â€

yeah yeah....
watever CRAPS....

stupid idiot sia...
WAT SHE DONE FOR EDITORIAL?!
nothing at all till now...
yeah...since last year...all...I say ALL the info is found and edited by Jiaming and myself...
she did nothing..and everytime...she gives us a same answer that she no time,busy or dono...
yeah....everytime the same look,same face,same evil smile and the same respond 'I DONO!...DID I SAY THAT?!(DID I DO THAT?!)'

yeah...and btw....for u all information...
her character is not lyk how she look infront of us...
her character change...infront of editorial ppl?!her sch friends and even at home...

basically...I heard that she wanna be buddha next time...to help others to contribute to the buddhist world...
yeah...those r all...ALL....CRAPS!
cant even give us one hour for editorial board...cant even help other not say others...even ur own friends and families...then wat for saying all those big dao li?!..
keep writing compo?!..yeah...write all sort of things...her ç–‘æƒ‘ but...haven anyone å¯Ÿè§‰åˆ° her question are created or formed becoz she got the wrong WRONG ideal of buddhist...well..shes not perfect as everyone think..haha....

and I would lyk to say she is totally Irresponsible...becoz she could actually used her friends library card to borrow tons of books and return it one or one and a half month later...causing us to own the library money even up to $6++
and even time if she wanna care...she care if not she wont even bother about it...when having fun...she join in..when not...she jux sit at the corner...
becoz she is jux sooo "loney!"
no friends...no ppl really care for her...
yeah and perhaps even jiaming help her...
nvm...
becoz I am pissed...
is DAMMM pissed off by her...for so long le
well..I must used peiyen`s word...
"I do not hate anyone but I jux don lyk her attitude"

well...perhaps readers might think that I am scodling her or I am bad...but...hmm...
perhaps take a very good look at her...u will noe y....
---by YI YI
-- extracted from her blog

Please let me add... while she was holding on to the books... she was also at Malaysia laying eggs!!! Came back... told her about the fnies.. she wasn't even bothered!!! She keeps on saying.. "ok.. I will return the money de!" where? is it?

Journey to Chinatown

2006-02-08T16:46:00.000-08:00

Tell you all some thing... I always dreamt of goign to Chinatown with my close friends to Chinatown... OH MY GOD!! Dream come true man!! WOOW! I was never shoo happy! All thanks to Xing Yi... had it not been her co-ordinations! haha! Thank you YIYI!
On the 22nd of January, I went to Chinatown with Chi Hao, Alice and Xing Yi. Well, it was a fascinating trip! There was just shoo much people that we could hardly walk! We went rounds and rounds!
As the crowd built up, we had no choice but to put our hands on each other's back and walk! Chi Hao walked shoo fast! He is really damm good at Kai Lu! haha!
As we walked and walked.... opps... I bang onto Xing Yi... luckily she never shout. haha! We then found an amazing tea shop. The items sold in the shops are shoo exquisite but too expensive liao lar. Then... as we walked.. we went pass a dirty shop... selling those kind of dirty things de.. OMG! Shoo emabaressing!
After that, we went to buy the chocolate dipped fruits. It really costs a bomb! $2 dollars for just 3 slices of dipped chocolate fruits. hehe. We walked pass a stall selling hotdogs. The shop keeper was dressed in Chinese clothes! Amazing! Even his whole shop is decorated with Chinese stuffs.
Well, the most obvious sights were the beautifully decorated stalls with a wide range of bezar items yet... no one patronises them. I reminded Xing Yi to chant more Bao Shen Ru Lai and Duo Bao Ru Lai... in hoping that their business would improve.
There was the other time we went to Chinatown with Chi Hao, Zhi Hui and Xing Yi. Surprisingly, there weren't that much people as we expected. Well, the whole day we went rounds and rounds... rounds and rounds... searching for the shop or stall that sells Dan Zhu Shui... a kind of gaseous drink lar..haha. Basically we walked passed shops after shops... stalls after stalls OMG! Still cannot find! Then later, we went inside the shopping centre... then... I was told by them that.. among the dozen amount of massarging shops, a few of them offers "special services" gosh... hair all stand....

The lonely side of me.

2005-10-28T00:54:00.000-07:00

You think it doesn't hurt at all to have your friends come up all the way into the train station consoling you not to leave? You think it doesn't hurt to just leave my friends just like that? You think it doesn't hurt to see my own friends getting worried about me? You think I don't want to celebrate Shi Fu's birthday together with you all? You think I don't want to gather around, chat, laugh and joke together with you people? Why am I such a failure? Why can't I be satisfied with my current friends? I have dreams, wishes, aspirations for the Buddhist world and society too but... they all seems far-fetched and impossible.
I want to play with my friends, laugh with my friends, hang out around with them, joke together, learn together, help each other but... perhaps I am really destined to be lonely or am I not? Why can't I just be nice to my friends?
When they all stopped me from boarding the train, it didn't feel good. It was like a thousand needles piercing through your heart. I tried to hold my tears. I know its foolish but perhaps that is some thing which I cannot change.
Some times when I look at the distant skies, the stars or the clouds I really do wonder, what my future holds for me. Will I really be able to contribute great things just like my dreams are? At this moment, I am lost, really lost...

titleless...

2005-10-10T01:51:00.000-07:00

"Hooray! I finally passed my Distinction Award lifesaving exam!"
Today, I realised quite a lot of things which might affect my life forever...
Right now, I have decided that I will make the buddhist world prosper in terms of darma classes, events and so on. Though seemingly far-fetched, I strongly believe that, with the help of people around me and the buddha, nothing is impossible!
When I look at my results and at the same time, friends around me, I find that... I cannot be compared to them AT ALL. I told myself, "this cannot go on any more! If I were to wish for a better future, this is the first gate to pass." I cannot allow myself to dwell on things that when accomplished, it only benefits myself, benefits no one or harms every one.
It seems to be, to study well is quite impossible since I don't have much intelligence. Yet, I know that I have to change this. How am I going to teach when I am unqualified? How am I going teach when I know nothing? Thus, I must and I have to study hard.
When I look around, I always feel regretful about this and that. However, when regrets come, have I ever made an effort to change it? Why do I always have to live with regrets yet keep repeating it? WHY?! Honestly speaking, my greatest regret is that that I didn't study well in my primary school and secondary school days. TO be specific, regreted that I didn't put in more effort for Chinese. As a Chinese, I am embarressed to even say that. Yet, right now, another chance will never come to me again ever...
I have decided, NO MORE! Buddha, oh buddha, would you mind helping me? Some times, just the thought about my future can send chills up my spine. Perhaps I really don't it but, I am willing to change! I am willing to learn which I must and have to... because I am a true buddhist!

NYP-BS Annual Camp

2005-10-02T20:08:00.000-07:00

"Jeez!" I finally came back from the camp. It was a two days one night camp at Kuang Ming Shan Pok Ka See~in short PKS temple la... well actually for me, it was three days and two nights.
It was about 6PM when I left Hai Inn Temple and headed to PKS (hardworking huh?). All I know is..... it is a long long way there...
Upon reaching there, all I know is that a giant roaring in my stomach. Damm hungry man! Thus, I had to buy Long John Silvers and eat outside PKS at the bus-stop... pathetique huh?
While I went in, I was greeted by many camp-mates. Though it was a dark cold night but my heart felt warm; my tireness and worries dissappeared without knowning. We had quite a lot of briefing or rather discussion before sleeping... Oh! Did I mentioned that I came a day earlier to help out?
I was given the task of brining our arriving camp-mates from Bishan to PKS. Theoretically, there was supposed to be 25 people but... GUESS WHAT??!! Only 5 turned up!! Gosh!
We then played many games like Attack and Defense, Octopus, Ball Game, Memorisation Game and many more... I can tell you dudes reading this... THE FOOD THERE IS HEAVENLY BEYOND DESCRIPTION! EXTREMELY SUMPTOUS!
Then, we then got the chance to tour around PKS and got to know it a lot more. Shees, there was this big female dog (xiao huang), vegetarian dog... ate too much!
Unfortunately, I had swimming lessons on Saturday and thus, I got to rush to it. When I came back, it was 9Pm already. For the rest of the night, I became quite or rather very quite perhaps due to my muscles aching from the swim to such that many peopel were worried... gomen nasai!
Ahh! The good thing is that, I BROUGHT MY JACKET! Thus, I managed to sleep very soundly. That night, though tired but when I saw the secenry, I thought about a lot of stuffs and realised a lot of things. Finally, I said this to myself ... "ore wa... hitori ja nai! Kure wa ore no tomo yo!"
On Sunday, we played a lot of games and had a lot of interaction. My favourite was the Sing Along Session. Though I know I can't sing but I still sang!
After that, we helped to pack things up. I grabbed the cup noodles to eat but upon eating some one said "ITS EXPIRED!" and I went "OH MY GREAT BUDDHA!" Well, it already went down... bo bian...
We took a lot of photographs and signed each other's camp booklet for memory. Though tried after the camp, I felt that the 5 dollars I paid.... was just a small little token compared to the food, accomodation, games and acitivities, friends I made and most importantly, every ones' effort! I am left with no better words to describe how honoured and happy I am. Thank you every one for organising the camp and making it so successful. I really hope to see and join another one.
For now, time for some rest! Bah! Can't take it any longer... nitez

--== Reunion ==--

2005-09-16T01:03:00.000-07:00

"Ring...!" "Whamp!" my alarm clock rang yet was smashed... I had to wake up at 10 AM. Yet, when I woke up at 10.20 despite having an alarm clock (though there used to be two...). "Oh my great Buddha!" I said as I had to meet my friends at Hougang MRT station. The thing is, Hougang is on the other side of Singapore!!! We wanted to find a good place to study for the upcoming examinations and the best place would be JASON'S HOUSE!
"Oh my god! Oh great train, please hurry up!" I mumbled as it was already 11.30 AM yet I am still at Boon Keng station. "No use worrying, might as well read my comic, DeathNote!" I said to myself. Upon reaching the destination, to my surprise, I only saw Jason. "Where is Yang Fong? Will he be late again?" I wondered. Then finally, Jason said "er... actually... Yang Fong is still in bed..." and I went "ahhhhhhh!!!!!". Left with no choice, we decided to go first.
Seriously speaking, Jason's house is REALLY quite SOME DISTANCE from Hougang MRT Station. "Sikatanai!" I sighed.
His house is at level 8. It was quite a big house and his brother is at home too, playing PS2. Well, the usual greetings and then I went into his room and saw "wow!" Rasied my eyebrown when I saw the model figures in his room, also saw a great view of scenery outside his room window.
Well, watched Final Fantasy Advent Children while eating cup noodles. "Shiok, I murmured".
At 2Pm, Yang Fong still hasn't come. For a moment, we thought that he could possibly overslept in the train. "From Harbour Front to Punggol, then to Harbor Front and then to Punggol again" I told Jason. He laughed maniacally "wu he ha ha ha ha HAAH!"
In the very end, we didn't study much. At around 5Pm, Yang Fong and I left his house. I had to meet up with my secondary school friends.
Actually, I could just went to Clark Quay MRT (final destination) as it was on the way. However, as I had to meet with Brusied Yee, I was left with no choice. On the train, we both grumbled about our mishap. He also told me a lot of stuffs about his experience when training in Shitoryu Karate School. Then we finally reached there and saw Alvin Lim. "Guess what? He wore the same shirt as I! Class t-shirt! 4N2 rocks!" I exclaimed.
It wasn't long before we finally reached Settlers Cafe. We went in and I was atonished by the variety of board games available. They have more than what I know or can ever think of. Found a table and got a seat. Well, Alvin Lim quickly introduced us some very friendly staff from there (which includes one very pretty lady, er hm!). He introduced us CashFlow. To beat the game, you got to get out of the small circle (when your passive income is greater than your expenses) and then move on to the big circle and then finally reach your dream. "Kind of cool" I told YEE.
Initially, Yee and I had trouble coping with the game (we were both too scared to lose) ha ha!
Another good thing about the cafe (other than many girls to see), we can always refill our drinks. Then, due to time constraint, we had to end the game fast. In the end, I won! "whoo hoo!" As it was already 11.30, we footed our bills and left the cafe. Walked some distance before reaching the bus stop. Guess what? Lim and Yee were "touching each other!!!" Then Yee decided to perfom his "kata" when the bus came. So we said to him "bye bye!" Of course he will not be so dumb as to stay there. Ha ha!
When we boarded the bus, there were no passengers! We then talked about a lot of stuffs. Lim alighted first at Bukit Timah. Yee and I decided to alight earlier so as to walk pass Bukit View Secondary School (miss it a lot a lot). While Yee was talking, I kept looking into BVSS (how I wish I can help the school). We then walked pass the temple, coffeeshop and then back home.
Though I reached home at around 1PM, I strongly believe that it was worthwhile. Very memorable if you ask me. Basically, it was a day of reunion of great friends at great places. "How I wish I can go back in time!"

Trip to NUS BS.

2005-08-26T22:40:00.000-07:00

"At last! Home sweet home!" I exclaimed when I finally reached home from NUS at 1 PM. I went for the NUS 27th committee Election Ceremony. Initially, I was quite reluctant about going that. I was afraid of all the unfamiliar faces staring at me or that whether I am welcomed or not. However, I feel "delighted" as of now.
I had to meet Li Rong before going there and "oh my goodness", I was late by 20 minutes! At the bus-stop, we saw some one from NUS BS. "Yeah, finally found some one to lead us!" I murmured . While boarding the bus, the bus driver was looking fiercely at every one and managed to caught some one who didn't tap his EZ-Link card. I was thinking, "why he so niao one?". When we thought all is over, our "leader" lost her EZ-Link card! She then alighted at the next stop, walked back to the bus-stop to look for it. "Back to square one, now who is going to lead us there?" I said to myself while I sighed repeatedly.
When we go down the bus, we had a hard time looking for the place. Luckily, some one showed us the map of NUS and managed to pinpoint the area. However, the thing is... "how do we go there?!!" I kept on sighing. Thus, it was like a "wild goose chase" or rather... "wild LT-10 chase".
When we were about to give up, guess what? Some one form NUS BS walked pass us and lead us to the place! "Oh thank godness! Yokata! Hontouni arigatou gozaimsu!" Upon arrival, w were greeted by many friendly people. We then went into the lecture theater and got a sit.
Cindy got elected for the president! Though I only saw her once but never did I expect that she would turn out to be the next chairman. "Congrats to Cindy!" Then, guess what? The election was extremely draggy and I was about to fall alseep.
When it was over, Li Rong and I went to interact with BS members from SP BS and of course, NUS BS members. All I can say that is "NUS BS members rocks man!" They are extremely friendly and ever full of smiles!. Well, then afterwards, we went to a nearby famous Prata shop to have our supper together and the Prata there is "damm yummy" though it costs a bomb ($3 each).
Well, as a few of us were need to rush for the last bus, we bided farewell to them and headed out to the bus-stop. GUESS WHAT??!!! No more last bus! Sob... Left with no choice, we boarded a cab to Jurong East MRT. "Oh my almighty god!!! The last train just left!" I told Li Rong. I sighed even more. When we finally got into a cab...again...., I told Li Rong, "don't be so sad. At least the events were worthed while." However, I kept on thinking "how nice I could ruin a bit faster to stop the train." Upon reaching my home, I bided farewell to Li Rong and requested the taxi driver to send her downstairs of her house.
Back home, I laid flat on my bed. I was virually mentally and physically exhausted. The strange thing is that, I didn't feel that the trip was wasted. To me, all were perfect. I got to know a lot of kind-hearted friends and learnt a lot of things from them. As of now, my eyes are showing signs of extreme fatigueness. "Bah!" Can't take it any more! I need sleep! haha

2005-08-18T09:22:00.000-07:00

Back from school, I sat infront of my piano and started playing my favourite song. Outside, there was a heavy downpour which I could virtually see nothing. I then looked outside of the window. It was the same sight as it was five and a half years ago, that day which in my whole entire life, I will never forget. All of it flashed back across my mind instantaneously.
When I was studying in primary school, I had many friends. We were very close. I still remember the times we ran around the class disturbing the teacher or others. We had totally no respect for the teachers to such that, we can even bring food and eat infront of the teacher or to play card games (Magic cards).
Even after school, we would hang out at the void deck to play soccer or visit each others' house and ransacked their rooms. Even until PSLE was around the corner, our habit remains unchanged.
I still remember at times, we would buy bread from a run-down bakery before going home. The bakery owner, an old man, usually prepares a special hot dog bun with a lot of chille and etc just for us at the price of two dollars. We also used to laugh at the way he talks "ah ah ah... ordog bun, want want?"
Then, on the last day of primary school, after the soccer game at the void deck, there was this heavy downpour. We could almost see nothing. Some how, we managed to run to the bus stop and hopped on the bus. When I was about to alight, I said "okay, lets meet up again some other time!" However, until this day, I have never seen them again.
Every year during Teachers' Day, I would always go back to my primary school. The laughter of the students echoed throughout the school but sadly... not my friends' voices. I never saw them. When I passed by that bakery shop, though the shop remains there, the old man was no where to be seen...neither is the specially made "ordog bun" and tears would run down my cheek.
Then, I would usually go to the nearby temple to offer my respect. However in the temple, there was this silence... as if Buddha is trying to console me. While waiting for the bus to come, I sat at the same bus stop yet, I was the only one there. Some times, I would look around before boarding the bus for that it would be another year's time before I come back again. My tears have dried up but my search for my friends will never end. For that, they will always be my buddy and friends, forever.

Happy Birthday Singapore!

2005-08-09T13:16:00.000-07:00

Time really flies. It seems just only a few weeks ago when I last celebrated National Day in Bukit View. Some times when I look around, I feel that I have made no contributions to the nation. When I saw people performing during the National Day Parade, I really wished that I can be one of them. How I wished that I had studied hard and excelled in my CCAs but all is too late... or is it not? Ore wa nani mo shiranai.
It is a lonely National Day for me. All I have is my computer and internet to accompany me. How I wished I had more friends. How I wish that I can be like others, hang out with friends, study with friends, talk to friends and have fun with friends but all these seems far-fetched... or is it not? Dareka tasukete.
Then when I look at myself, I see a heart, filled with greed, stupidity, jealousy and anger. At times I really feel helpless. I can't help my friends and people aroudn me when they needed help academically, financially or mentally. I feel so useless yet, I want to contribute some thing to the community, school and society. Ore wa nani mo dekinai.
I am really lost. I am really lonely and sad for that I have lost my smiles; the smiles that I used and yearn to have.