[ D]reaming under the [ S]tars

Monday, October 10, 2005

"Hooray! I finally passed my Distinction Award lifesaving exam!"
Today, I realised quite a lot of things which might affect my life forever...
Right now, I have decided that I will make the buddhist world prosper in terms of darma classes, events and so on. Though seemingly far-fetched, I strongly believe that, with the help of people around me and the buddha, nothing is impossible!
When I look at my results and at the same time, friends around me, I find that... I cannot be compared to them AT ALL. I told myself, "this cannot go on any more! If I were to wish for a better future, this is the first gate to pass." I cannot allow myself to dwell on things that when accomplished, it only benefits myself, benefits no one or harms every one.
It seems to be, to study well is quite impossible since I don't have much intelligence. Yet, I know that I have to change this. How am I going to teach when I am unqualified? How am I going teach when I know nothing? Thus, I must and I have to study hard.
When I look around, I always feel regretful about this and that. However, when regrets come, have I ever made an effort to change it? Why do I always have to live with regrets yet keep repeating it? WHY?! Honestly speaking, my greatest regret is that that I didn't study well in my primary school and secondary school days. TO be specific, regreted that I didn't put in more effort for Chinese. As a Chinese, I am embarressed to even say that. Yet, right now, another chance will never come to me again ever...
I have decided, NO MORE! Buddha, oh buddha, would you mind helping me? Some times, just the thought about my future can send chills up my spine. Perhaps I really don't it but, I am willing to change! I am willing to learn which I must and have to... because I am a true buddhist!

_just me_
1:51 AM